Do you also feel guilty every time you do something for fun? Is it a problem of many? Or only of freelancers? Or only of me??
I struggle with guilt almost every minute of the day. And to be honest, it is not only when I do something for fun. It’s whenever I do whatever, even if it’s something that I actually SHOULD do.
For example, when I create new vectors for my microstock portfolios, I feel guilty for not working on my next coloring book.
When I work on my coloring book, I feel guilty for not editing my awaiting children’s books; What I edit my children’s books I feel guilty for not reading pending emails; When I read emails, I feel bad for not doing the dishes; When I do the dishes I think about buying groceries, when I buy groceries I think about treating the cat for fleas and so on and so forth.
Terrible, isn’t it? I am probably the most restless person I know.
Hopefully you didn’t relate too much to my grim description. I just felt the need to share this so that you can understand how guilty I felt yesterday, when I put my tasks aside and immersed into creating a piece for pure, immature fun:
This is a drawing of two J-pop (Japanese pop) musicians – Kimeru and Yunah. Their photo was published on Kimeru’s Twitter page and felt an urge to recreate it as a cartoon. I actually don’t know much about Yunah, but I am a Kimeru fan, so I often see photos he shares and some of them are just begging me to drop all of my duties and cartoonize them.
Imagine the guilt!! I have so many things to do in order to earn money, take care of the house and be a good girlfriend and cat owner, and also to plan three different trips abroad and to collect documents for the annual visa-extension for my foreign boyfriend, and instead of doing all of these I freaking sit here and draw fan art like a careless teenager!
Oh, and did I mention the guilt of borrowing those guys’ photo and using it for my own creepy means? Gosh, I hope they don’t yell at me.
There you have it, a sample of my mental disorder encapsulated in this illustration.
I have one comfort here: drawing things for fun are still somewhat beneficial for my career. This drawing, for example, helped me practice a few things:
How to draw the right amount of details – just enough to make the image resemble the original photo, but not too many, so the result still looks like anime style cartoon.
When to put the reference photo away and start working on the illustration as an image that stands on its own.
How to choose the minimal features of the person’s face, in order to make the drawing look like him, and what features I should ignore so that the drawing doesn’t get too realistic.
Of course there is more, but I’ll stop now because, you guessed it, writing this post makes m e feel guilty for not doing other things.
I hope I helped you feel that your own mental scratches aren’t really this bad 🙂